How To Build Self Esteem
How To Build Self Esteem
Most of the common causes of low self esteem can be traced at home and the environment that surrounds us. Lack of love and affection can decrease one’s self significantly. They have difficulty trusting and mixing up with people. Excessive criticism and negative remarks that are rude and vulgar can create a feeling of worthlessness, at times making them pessimistic. Physical abuse that includes sexual and mental is also a worst cause of low self esteem that normally comes from family, friends, neighbors, strangers and foster or step parents. I’m sure there are other causes of low self esteem but what I can share to you here are some of the steps you can build up your self esteem;
Here's a good definition. Self-Esteem is the experience of being capable of meeting life’s challenges and of being worthy of happiness. — National Council for Self-Esteem
Here are eight action steps on how to build your self-esteem;
- Always greet the people you meet with a smile. A smile and direct eye contact convey confidence. I remember giving a smile to a caretaker whenever I meet her on my way to the office. She had this sad look in her face but when I gave her my smile, she responded with a nice smile too. What prompted her more to display her smile was when I greet her, “Hello, good morning”.
- Listen to inspirational audio CD programs or podcast. I’ve learned that feeding my mind with motivational and spiritual talk helped me built up my confidence, level of enthusiasm to counter on the negative environment in my work.
- Invest in your own knowledge. Enroll in a seminar class in some aspect of professional or personal development. These events or activities will help develop your skills, depending on your interest like communication, technical, self development, dance, singing, etc. It will also help grow the network of your friends and develop inter-relationship among like minded individuals. One good resource is meetup group like Personal Excellence and Growth Group, Cashflow 101 Game Singapore Group where I learned to develop skills and build relationships too. By the way, I highly recommend that you join a spiritual community.
- Always say “Thank You” When you are given any compliment by anyone, for any reason. Don’t downplay or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or receive is a universal mark of an individual with solid self-esteem, says Denis Waitley, personal growth expert and author of many books, including "The Psychology of Winning" (one of my favorites).
- Find someone already confident in the area of expertise you need and watch how they do it. Look for successful “role models” that you can pattern yourself after. Find someone who has conquered what you fear and learn from their experience.
- Don’t brag! People who brag about their own exploits or those who demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up in eyes of others since they don’t perceive themselves as worthy of respect.
- When you make a mistake or get rejected, look at mistakes as a learning experiences. After rejection, take a look at your BAG – Blessings, Accomplishments, and Goals. Take a look at rejection as an event, not as a turndown of the performer.
- Act as if you already have the habit or behavior you desire. If you were confident, how would you feel? What would you be thinking? With practice, your behavior becomes a habit.
I'm sure there are other steps that can build up your self esteem. Once you gained the self confidence, learn to be humble not arrogant. As Zig Ziglar says, " The greatest single cause of a poor self-image is the absence of unconditional love." Always carry with you the secret: “ Love must be within us before it can be given.”
The Power of Self Belief-6 Ways to Build Your Self Confidence
The Power of Self Belief – 6 Ways to Build Your Self Confidence
”I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me” – Philippians 4:13
I want to share a little bit of my story about how I managed to develop the power of self belief. When I started working here in Singapore as a CAD Engineer coming from my home country, the Philippines, I encountered lots of challenges at work. I was actually hired because of my excellent skills in using 3D mechanical modeling software even though I had no background in marine engineering or naval architecture field.
So one time I was task to do a 2D structural engineering layout that does not require me to use the 3D CAD (Computer Aided Drafting) tool. I used different drafting software that I have less experienced with. I had to do an offshore mechanical structural layout that I was not familiar with. And as expected, I received corrections after corrections about what I have done in creating my 2D engineering layout. You can imagine how colorful my A3 sized print outs due to corrections. Here’s the sad part, the senior colleague(s) who reviewed my drawing doesn’t bother to teach me about the way to improve or speed up the process of learning the skills even when I asked them. All they can tell is how slow I am and all the negative stuffs. At that point I had two choices, whether to equate them with harsh words so that I can bring my ego back or just simply go back to my table and do what I need to do. I chose the later since I was relatively new to the company and Singapore, so I don’t want to risk my job.
Here’s how I exactly responded that changed the way I looked at things and my attitude. Instead of bursting out the fire against them, I psyched myself up while performing my task. I kept on telling in my mind, “I am the best in what I am doing! I am the fastest in performing this task!” I repeat the phrase “I am the best!” with high emotions all over and over again while I was doing the corrections. I practiced these affirmations every time I worked on my projects. It was just a matter of time when I came for another review process when the senior colleague told me,” Whoa, you’re so fast huh!” I gave him a smile and from then on, I managed to develop my skills and most especially my attitude. My self esteem went high.
By the way, I want to share with you a success story video presented to our company by our supplier, Innocom Technologies Pte. Ltd. Please check it out.
Here are some 6 rules that will help you build up your self confidence:
- Create a mental picture of yourself succeeding. Hold on to this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind always tries to complete whatever it pictures so, always picture success no matter how badly things seemed to be going at the moment. Whenever a negative thought concerning your personal powers come into mind, deliberately voice out a positive thought to cancel it out.
- Do not build up obstacles in your imagination. Minimize them instead. Problems should be seen for what they are and never inflated by fearful thoughts. You are bigger than your problems.
- Do not be awestruck by other people or try to copy them. Remember that most people despite a confident appearance are often as scared and as doubtful of themselves as you are.
- Get a confident counselor to help you understand the origin of your inferiority or self doubt feelings. This often begins in childhood. Self knowledge leads to a cure.
- Ten times each day practice the following affirmation. Repeating it out loud if possible. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” This magic statement is the most powerful antidote on earth to inferiority feelings.
- Put yourself in God’s hands. To do this you simply say “I am in God’s hands” then believe that you are now receiving all the power you need. Affirm that the kingdom of God is within you in the form of adequate power to meet all of life’s demands. Remind yourself that God is with you and nothing can defeat Him.
I encouraged you to read the book, “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale and “The Psychology of Achievement” by Brian Tracy. I took Brian Tracy’s advice to look in front of the mirror and tell out loud “I like myself” over and over again. It worked for me and I’m sure it will work for you as well. Try it and share with me your success.
PS
Please check out previous article on Persuasive Communication – The Art of Moving People Through To Action. I shared my experience on self belief in front of an audience.
PS2
Please listen to Chapter 1 of The Power of Positive Thinking below.
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How Do You Deal with Bully or Bullies in School?
being bullied at school
Have you ever experienced being bullied around in your early years at school?
How did you deal with bullies?
Or, Are you the one playing as a bully?
Yesterday, me and my wife had a conversation over skype about our son’s experience in school of being bullied by his classmate. She told me that two weeks ago, Jed (my son) got some bruised over his upper leg and last week, a wound in his lower right eye.
First, I asked her if she reported this to the teacher? Yes, she told the head teacher and they did inform the parents of the bully. They told us that the boy had some attitude problem.
Now, here’s the meat part, what if the bully will repeat the thing that he liked to do? I mean what if he hurt my son again physically? I told my wife that we should set boundaries about self respect and teach him about self-confidence. I insisted that we can not tolerate this from happening again as well as to other inferior kids as well. I told my son that he needs to defend himself and teach the bully a lesson, a dose of his own medicine. If he hurt you again, hurt him with greater pain, i told my son. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not teaching my son to become violent or become bully as well. I told him that being a bully is bad and so that he (the bully) will not do it again. He should defend other inferior classmates or friends (victims) if ever he’ll witnessed an event. This is not just physical will but more importantly mental, about self esteem.
Here’s another tip, create a buddy system or a need to hang-out with like minded friends and develop a relationship around your circle of friends. Share ideas among your friends and make an offer of help among them in times of trouble.
It will be wise to enrol your child to a self-defense sport like martial arts. This competitive sport will develop one’s self confidence and of course you’ll have a physically healthy child. Now, this gives us an idea to continue what Jed had started in his summer two years ago.
What if you’re child is the bully? That’s tough for me to share. Let’s just put ourselves in their shoes as to why are they doing this? It could be they want to win more friends? They want some recognition and attention? They want to become popular? Whatever their reasons are, I don’t think they are making sense since bullying is totally wrong. I believe that they need more help and the role of the parents play a vital role in molding their child in becoming what they should be. There should be no excuse for this as the responsibility as a parents is very important. If they need help, they shoud seek advise from an expert, a family counselor, their parents, friends, teachers. The Internet is great cool resource as you can join forums from different parts of the world. Check my previous article, I strongly suggest that you create your own Family Mission Statement.
Lastly, my take is please stop bullying. Its not worth of your time and energy.
stop-bullying
P.S.
I would love to hear your experience about bullying.
