How To Build Self Esteem
How To Build Self Esteem
Most of the common causes of low self esteem can be traced at home and the environment that surrounds us. Lack of love and affection can decrease one’s self significantly. They have difficulty trusting and mixing up with people. Excessive criticism and negative remarks that are rude and vulgar can create a feeling of worthlessness, at times making them pessimistic. Physical abuse that includes sexual and mental is also a worst cause of low self esteem that normally comes from family, friends, neighbors, strangers and foster or step parents. I’m sure there are other causes of low self esteem but what I can share to you here are some of the steps you can build up your self esteem;
Here's a good definition. Self-Esteem is the experience of being capable of meeting life’s challenges and of being worthy of happiness. — National Council for Self-Esteem
Here are eight action steps on how to build your self-esteem;
- Always greet the people you meet with a smile. A smile and direct eye contact convey confidence. I remember giving a smile to a caretaker whenever I meet her on my way to the office. She had this sad look in her face but when I gave her my smile, she responded with a nice smile too. What prompted her more to display her smile was when I greet her, “Hello, good morning”.
- Listen to inspirational audio CD programs or podcast. I’ve learned that feeding my mind with motivational and spiritual talk helped me built up my confidence, level of enthusiasm to counter on the negative environment in my work.
- Invest in your own knowledge. Enroll in a seminar class in some aspect of professional or personal development. These events or activities will help develop your skills, depending on your interest like communication, technical, self development, dance, singing, etc. It will also help grow the network of your friends and develop inter-relationship among like minded individuals. One good resource is meetup group like Personal Excellence and Growth Group, Cashflow 101 Game Singapore Group where I learned to develop skills and build relationships too. By the way, I highly recommend that you join a spiritual community.
- Always say “Thank You” When you are given any compliment by anyone, for any reason. Don’t downplay or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or receive is a universal mark of an individual with solid self-esteem, says Denis Waitley, personal growth expert and author of many books, including "The Psychology of Winning" (one of my favorites).
- Find someone already confident in the area of expertise you need and watch how they do it. Look for successful “role models” that you can pattern yourself after. Find someone who has conquered what you fear and learn from their experience.
- Don’t brag! People who brag about their own exploits or those who demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up in eyes of others since they don’t perceive themselves as worthy of respect.
- When you make a mistake or get rejected, look at mistakes as a learning experiences. After rejection, take a look at your BAG – Blessings, Accomplishments, and Goals. Take a look at rejection as an event, not as a turndown of the performer.
- Act as if you already have the habit or behavior you desire. If you were confident, how would you feel? What would you be thinking? With practice, your behavior becomes a habit.
I'm sure there are other steps that can build up your self esteem. Once you gained the self confidence, learn to be humble not arrogant. As Zig Ziglar says, " The greatest single cause of a poor self-image is the absence of unconditional love." Always carry with you the secret: “ Love must be within us before it can be given.”